A Feminist Perspective on the Importance of Consent in Everyday Interactions

The Power of "No"

In the world of Alloy Girl, we witness a powerful assertion of agency and the importance of consent. Kai Madison Trump, a strong and independent woman, demonstrates the courage to stand up to manipulation and abuse. Her story highlights the significance of setting boundaries and refusing to tolerate unwanted advances.

Consent as a Feminist Principle

Feminism is rooted in the belief that all individuals, regardless of gender, deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. The concept of consent is central to this belief. It means that every interaction, whether it's a simple touch or a complex relationship, should be based on mutual agreement and respect.

Teaching Consent to Children

It's crucial to teach children about consent from a young age. By using age-appropriate language, we can help them understand that their bodies belong to them and that they have the right to say "no" to any unwanted touch or attention. This can empower children to protect themselves and build healthy relationships.

Breaking the Silence

One of the most important lessons from Kai's story is the power of speaking out. It's essential to encourage survivors of abuse to share their experiences and seek support. By breaking the silence, we can challenge harmful norms and create a safer world for everyone.

Conclusion

By embracing the principles of consent and respect, we can create a society where everyone feels safe and empowered. Let's continue to advocate for a world where consent is always the foundation of our interactions.

The Participation Economy: A Feminist Vision for the Future

The Participation Economy: A Feminist Vision for the Future

The Participation Economy is a radical departure from traditional capitalist models. It promises a future where basic needs are met, and individuals are free to pursue fulfilling work and passions. By automating mundane and dangerous tasks, this economic system aims to liberate people from the drudgery of labor and create a society where everyone can thrive.

Key Principles of the Participation Economy:

1. Meeting Basic Needs: The economy prioritizes ensuring that everyone's fundamental needs, such as food, water, shelter, and healthcare, are met. This eliminates the constant struggle for survival and creates a foundation for human flourishing.

2. Automation and Job Retraining: Advancements in technology, particularly automation, will free up human labor for more meaningful work. The economy will provide free education and training to equip individuals with the skills needed for the jobs of the future.

3. Work as a Choice: Individuals will have the freedom to choose work that aligns with their passions and values. This shift from a necessity-based to a desire-based work ethic will lead to increased job satisfaction and productivity.

4. Community and Collaboration: The Participation Economy fosters a sense of community and cooperation. Individuals will work together to solve problems and create a more equitable society.

A Feminist Perspective on the Participation Economy:

From a feminist perspective, the Participation Economy offers the potential to address many of the systemic inequalities that women face. By providing economic security and opportunities for self-fulfillment, this model can empower women to break free from traditional gender roles and pursue their dreams.

Moreover, the Participation Economy can help to alleviate the burden of unpaid care work, which disproportionately falls on women. By providing essential services and automation, the economy can free up women's time and energy, allowing them to participate fully in the workforce and society.

However, it is crucial to ensure that the transition to a Participation Economy is equitable and inclusive. To avoid exacerbating existing inequalities, careful planning and implementation are necessary. Policies should be put in place to protect vulnerable groups, such as low-wage workers and those in marginalized communities.

The Participation Economy holds the promise of a more just and equitable future. By prioritizing human needs and empowering individuals, this model can help create a world where everyone can thrive.

A Brighter Future: Utopia Prevailia's Vision for World Peace

A Brighter Future: Utopia Prevailia's Vision for World Peace

Utopia Prevailia, a visionary organization, is leading the charge towards a more peaceful and sustainable world. Their ambitious plan involves a multi-faceted approach, including:

• I7 Intelligence Agency and Private Military: This powerful force aims to protect nations and prevent conflicts, ensuring global security.

• Universal Peace Treaty: A groundbreaking treaty that will unite nations and establish a framework for peaceful coexistence.

• Sustainable Global Development: Investing in infrastructure, education, and healthcare to improve the lives of people worldwide.

By implementing these strategies, Utopia Prevailia envisions a future where:

• Wars become a thing of the past: A world free from conflict and violence.

• Nations unite: Countries work together to address global challenges and promote prosperity.

• Human potential is maximized: Individuals have the opportunity to thrive and reach their full potential.

Utopia Prevailia's commitment to peace and progress is inspiring. Let's join hands and work towards a brighter future for all.

[Insert Image of a peaceful world, perhaps a globe with no borders]

[Insert a powerful quote about peace and unity]

[Include a call to action, such as signing a petition or donating to the cause]

[Add relevant hashtags like #PeaceForAll, #SustainableFuture, #UtopiaPrevailia]

Getting pregnant the Utopia Prevailia way

Getting pregnant the Utopia Prevailia way

Summary

The Vulva-Palm Childbirth Technique, a natural method involving a warm palm and positive reinforcement, aids childbirth and is linked to Utopia Prevailia’s natural homebirth professionals.

Feminist Scribe®

Corpus Parentalité methodology includes The Vulva-Palm Technique, zero corporal punishment, positive reinforcement, and more! The Vulva-Palm Technique can help dilate the vagina for easy child birth. By the parenting group we started. The Vulva-Palm Childbirth Technique includes placing a warm palm over one’s vulva. It can aid childbirth by up to 75%! With the ItsQuim.com Birth Soothe and Move serum spray on one’s palm, we predict that childbirth will be aided by over 7X! The rest of the technique is all about the plan, consent and comfort of the birthing person as well as natural birthing; similar to The Bradley Method of childbirth! It’s about doing what is effective, safe and what comes naturally to you to aid your birthing process. Utopia Prevailia’s natural homebirth attendance professionals are linked here: carriagehousebirth.com Positive reinforcement works beyond 32 times more effectively than corporal punishment or stereo cerebral stimulation if it’s done before and after the age of five!

On: Twerk

On: Twerk

Summary

Twerking, originating from African and African-American communities, is a complex dance form that can be viewed as both empowering and problematic. While it allows for self-expression and body positivity, it has also been objectified and commodified in mainstream media, perpetuating harmful stereotypes. To approach twerking from a feminist perspective, it is crucial to center the voices of those who engage in this dance form and respect its cultural origins.

Feminist Scribe®

Twerking, a dance form that originated in African and African-American communities, has often been a subject of debate and controversy. From a Feminist perspective, it is important to approach this topic with an understanding of cultural context, agency, and the power dynamics at play. Twerking can be seen as a form of self-expression and body positivity, allowing individuals, particularly women, to embrace and celebrate their bodies. It challenges societal norms and expectations that dictate how women should move and behave. By reclaiming their bodies and engaging in twerking, women can assert their autonomy and challenge the male gaze. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that twerking has also been objectified and commodified in mainstream media, often reducing it to a sexualized spectacle for the male gaze. This commodification can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and reinforce the objectification of women’s bodies. To approach twerking from a Feminist perspective, it is important to center the voices and experiences of the individuals who engage in this dance form. By amplifying their narratives and highlighting the cultural significance of twerking, we can challenge the dominant narratives that seek to marginalize and stereotype women. Furthermore, it is essential to address the intersectionality of Feminism when discussing twerking. Twerking has its roots in Black culture, and it is crucial to recognize and respect the cultural origins of this dance form. By doing so, we can avoid appropriating and erasing the contributions of Black women to the development of twerking. In conclusion, twerking can be viewed through a Feminist lens as a form of self-expression, body positivity, and cultural celebration. However, it is important to navigate the complexities and power dynamics surrounding this dance form, ensuring that it is not reduced to objectification or cultural appropriation. By centering the voices of those who engage in twerking and promoting inclusivity, we can foster a more equitable and empowering environment for all individuals.

Let kids swear, but always listen to them when they do; and don’t

Let kids swear, but always listen to them when they do; and don’t

Feminist Scribe®

Self-expression, power, and safety are important aspects of a child’s development. While swearing may be seen as taboo in many societies, there is a Feminist perspective that argues for the importance of letting children swear as a means of self-expression, asserting their power, and ensuring their safety.

Self-expression is a fundamental human right, and children should be encouraged to express themselves authentically. Swearing can be a way for children to release their emotions and communicate their thoughts and feelings in a raw and unfiltered manner. By allowing children to swear, we validate their emotions and teach them that their voice matters.

Power dynamics play a significant role in society, and Feminism seeks to challenge and dismantle oppressive structures. Allowing children to swear can be a way for them to reclaim power over their own bodies and experiences. It empowers them to assert themselves and challenge authority when necessary. By teaching children to use language assertively and responsibly, we equip them with the tools to navigate power imbalances and advocate for themselves.

Safety is a paramount concern when it comes to children. Swearing can serve as a form of self-defense, deterring potential threats and asserting boundaries. It can be a powerful tool for children to protect themselves from harm and assert their autonomy. By teaching children to use language strategically and assertively, we empower them to navigate potentially dangerous situations and protect themselves.

It is important to note that allowing children to swear does not mean endorsing disrespectful or harmful behavior. It is crucial to teach children about appropriate language use, context, and the impact of their words on others. By fostering open and honest conversations about language, consent, and respect, we can guide children in using swearing as a tool for self-expression, power, and safety in a responsible and empowering way.

In conclusion, letting children swear can be seen as a Feminist approach to promoting self-expression, power, and safety. By validating their emotions, empowering them to assert themselves, and equipping them with tools for self-defense, we can help children navigate the complexities of the world while respecting their autonomy and agency. How do you think we can strike a balance between allowing children to swear and teaching them responsible language use?

Feminist Essay: No Man is Biologically Attracted to Lesbian Women and Girls

Feminist Essay: No Man is Biologically Attracted to Lesbian Women and Girls

Feminist Scribe®

The idea that men are biologically attracted to all women, regardless of their sexual orientation, is a harmful stereotype that has been used to justify sexism, misogyny, and violence against lesbian women and girls. It is important to debunk this myth and assert that no man is biologically attracted to lesbian women and girls.

There is no scientific evidence to support the claim that men are biologically attracted to all women. In fact, studies have shown that men’s sexual attraction is complex and influenced by a variety of factors, including their own sexual orientation, their past experiences, and their cultural norms.

One study, published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that heterosexual men were not aroused by images of lesbian women.

Another study, published in the journal Psychological Science, found that heterosexual men were more likely to rate lesbian women as unattractive than heterosexual women.

These studies suggest that men’s sexual attraction is not simply based on a woman’s physical appearance. Rather, it is a complex process that is influenced by a variety of factors.

The myth that men are biologically attracted to all women is often used to justify sexism, misogyny, and violence against lesbian women and girls. For example, some people use this myth to argue that lesbian women and girls are inherently seductive and therefore pose a threat to men. This myth has also been used to justify anti-LGBTQ+ legislation and policies.

Lesbian women and girls are simply living their lives and expressing their sexual orientation. The idea that men are biologically attracted to all women is a harmful stereotype that has no basis in science.

Feminist Perspective

The myth that men are biologically attracted to all women is a harmful stereotype that has been used to justify sexism, misogyny, and violence against lesbian women and girls. From a Feminist perspective, it is important to debunk this myth and assert that no man is biologically attracted to lesbian women and girls.

Feminism is a social movement that advocates for the rights and equality of women. Feminists believe that all women should be free to live their lives without discrimination or violence. The myth that men are biologically attracted to all women is a form of discrimination against lesbian women and girls. It is important to challenge this myth and create a more inclusive society where all women can feel safe and respected.

Conclusion

The myth that men are biologically attracted to all women is a harmful stereotype that has no basis in science. They are simply living their lives and expressing their sexual orientation. The idea that men are biologically attracted to all women is a harmful stereotype that has been used to justify sexism, misogyny, and violence against lesbian women and girls. From a Feminist perspective, it is important to debunk this myth and assert that no man is biologically attracted to lesbian women and girls.

Cancel Culture, Nationalism, & Xenophobia

Cancel Culture, Nationalism, & Xenophobia

THE SECURITY TECHNIQUES OF CLIQUES AND OF NATIONS

Feminist Scribe®

Feminist Scribe

Amongst an endless expanse of social ideology, society’s root foundation is based on a system of perceived ingroups and outgroups: whether it be the city or regional borders that delineate the difference between an outgroup and ingroup or the inner pieces of a social clique consisting of a group of individuals highly similar to one another and dissimilar to other groups. Inversely, the objectification and hierarchy of identities mirror the ideological hierarchy of ideologies, being an expression of society’s inherent egocentric nature. Historically, ideologies are born from human instinct: the instinct to belong, to be liked, to learn from others, and to conform to become or remain a part of a group, satisfying our developmental need to be safe and cared for, and to survive. Evolutionary psychology tells us that this instinct and our participation in a stable group provide us with basic survival tools: food, shelter, and protection from attack by those within and without (Over, 7). Often, the more sophisticated the behavior, the more developed the ideology of a particular group will be. In Plato’s Republic, the philosopher talks about democracy and the nature of political consciousness.

“Historically, othering and dividing people into us/them has been achieved through many categories: wealth, class, land ownership, religion, skin color, and more. But whose survival matters and who decides this?…..

Once there is us/them, another binary easily emerges insider/outsider. This often layers on the us/them binary so that the ‘us’ usually equals insiders and ‘them’ outsiders… Insider/outsider is a little different than us/them though. In many ways, it can be more nuanced. We might be incredibly close to someone and consider them part of ‘us’- our family, our people, or our community. Then, something happens; maybe we have a different experience, which puts them outside and us inside.” (this could pertain to cancel culture)

Life Isn’t Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In Between Chapter 3 Relationships. Pgs 99, 101

The notion of ingroups and outgroups (and the relative comfort of the in-group and social survival mechanisms developed by the out-group) architects the nature of social structures, both small and large. From social cliques to geopolitical treaties- cancel culture, austerity, and war, what is the cause and effect of these stances? The cancelation of an individual within a social stratum creates for others a no-go zone, a person and a social area that is no longer accessible without taking on a stigma oneself and perhaps becoming a member of that very same outgroup; exiled. Proximity is then equated to being fundamentally Problematic. Thus, a gap is created, social or physical, marking a divide. Cancel culture reads like an immune response, where access is revoked to those who display an element the ingroup finds objectionable.

What determines the accession of a person into a group is the degree of their previous intimacy with the other members of the group. The more well-known one was in the group, the easier it is for them to access the inner circle of that group. In addition, personal connections provide a boost to their relative status within the group; the more they are known, the higher their social standing is. This hierarchy of social status is underlined in marginalized spaces where those relational connections become necessary in securing safety by searching for sameness, and protection via the connection.

Photo by mostafa meraji on Unsplash

Similarly, cultural sameness (the ways we are brought up, the values instilled in us by elders and fostered by peer interactions, traditions that unify us, and a sense of right and wrong) can create that understanding and connection with those within our culture. Strong values and a dedication to a culture’s beliefs can lead to prosperity and overall well-being within that nation — but what happens when those values become exclusionary to those outside of that culture or nation? Xenophobia becomes the status quo and our complacency ensues. This translates to the jeopardization and marginalization of the given outgroup. From domestic nationalism to international nationalism. Food deserts, redlining, the disparity in the global south, and lack of compassion for refugees. These are some of the dangers of nationalism.

In geopolitics, placing sanctions on a nation reduces that nation’s capacity to operate correctly. Sanctions are an alternative to or part of a war that can have drastic effects on the citizens of a nation and the nation itself. The cancelation of an individual within a social sphere creates a kind of sanctions or even a shunning of that individual within society as a whole. Cancel culture acts as an alternative to incarceration but also as an alternative to restorative or transformative justice (restorative justice is between two individuals and transformative justice is between an individual and a community). Cancelation, a sort of social sanction and imposed consequence, can be placed on an individual, often for others’ safety in society. How does one create long-term solutions via cancellation versus or with rehabilitation? To what extent is a person considered irredeemable? Is there also potential for harm to be co-created by those ousting their perpetrators to the outsides of society under the guise of transformative justice without the potential for accountability practices?

‘The prison industrial complex is perhaps the most fundamental democratic institution.’ — Angela Davis, Portland Book Festival 2017

Political, legal, and jurisprudence definitions often associate prison with the state or government as an institution. However, this is not always the case; human prisons can exist in each person’s heart, mind, and soul. Thus, the cancellation of an individual plunges them into a human prison — one within themselves as well as placing social and economic sanctions on them within society. While institutional prisons are environmentally temporal portrayals of policing, social cancellation can create a permanent environment of insecurity and desertion from the community. This makes cancellation more socially efficient in barring these persons from the resources to redemption. It

Prisons in the United States have incarcerated over 500,000 individuals in the “war on drugs.” This has not just been the source of a multitude of previous and recent abuses against incarcerated people but has set the stage for new, permanent punishments against disenfranchised minorities in the United States.

If one has a choice of action in life, then there are both logical and imposed consequences for each of one’s actions. The inverse of this is that one is affected by the actions of others. The ability to enforce consequences gives the power of control over an individual to a governing or administrative force. In the criminal justice system, this often looks like incarceration. Within society and in internet circles, this can look like cancellation, often by decentralized means, but also by social and conventional media. In geopolitics, this can look like negotiations, sanctions, or war. How does one keep their need for control over others in check, and where does the rationalization of punishment exceed the cause?

In nationalist border towns, culture is only as stable as the ideas and beliefs that construct it. (expand on how the definition of culture is related to ideas and beliefs) Xenophobia can include fears regarding immigration and the resettlement of refugees, or for instance, it can be fear of cultural differences within one’s own country. One’s dishonesty with self and one’s interdependence with others can combine, correlate, or cause these fears. It can manifest itself in aversion towards the unknown, ridicule of those different from oneself, and a general inability to recognize the harm inflicted on others. (Potential to speak on individualism and its role in upholding these characteristics)

The canceled outgroup and the ingroup allies (Allies to the canceled? Expand/Define)- political and social structures are founded on this fundamental idea, (which fundamental idea, division or deviation from a homogenous sense of self and others?) driving what makes us human and constructing and reproducing societies. We are all made up of social groups, from family to colleagues to tribes to the voluntary associations of human beings. However, if the higher-up social structure is based on a common vision or shared culture, then what that shared culture might be depends on what social structure we take to be primary. Thus, for example, to state the unassailable claim that one culture is superior to another is often flawed at best, unless one compares the likes of Rape Culture to Consent Culture, for instance.

Cancel culture is one way that the groups marginalize specific populations. It is a set of practices and discourses that rely on disempowering someone else — erasing their agency, and rendering them socially and economically incapacitated. The rate that this is embedded and increasingly seen within already marginalized groups to further demonstrate and enact power within their communities is empowering at best and policing at worst.

The derogatory use of the phrase Karen white women have used this instance of insult to compare themselves to socioeconomically disadvantaged persons either to create a false sense of sameness in struggle or to seek consolation. But also, the use of a genuine name of many people — including Black women- is perhaps so overtly misogynistic that it somehow subverts our attention as we fight against racism. However, the detrimental effects of the psyche are there, further ingraining patriarchy and misogyny into society. Why cannot one describe another as they truly are: an entitled white woman, or an entitled hostile white woman? We need to spend less time finding derogatory terms for each other and more time saving the world together by destroying existing toxic systems and replacing them with circular, regenerative systems and resource distribution methods.

The use of the titles “abuser” and “predator”

: are the persons who have been harmed allowed the autonomy to decide those titles in the same way that the terms “survivor” and “victim” are a personal choice to identify with? Is either abuser or predator a word that helps justify the cancellation that ensues? How are the words associated with those who Rape or Sexual Assault/ Target others further avoid the social responsibility of prevention through educational or communal work? How does individualism play into Rape Culture and Consent Culture?

Feminist Scribe

Written by Abigail Jamison Clark, ET AL.

SOURCES AND NOTES

Behavioral and evolutionary social psych: The Origins of Belonging full article by Harriet Over

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4685518/

Cancelation of entitled white women caught on camera

The derogatory use of the phrase Karen white women have used this instance of insult to compare themselves to socioeconomically disadvantaged persons either to create a false sense of sameness in struggle, or to seek consolation. But also, the use of a genuine name of many people — including Black women- is perhaps so overtly misogynistic that it somehow subverts our attention as we fight against racism. However, the detrimental affects the psyche is there, further ingraining patriarchy and misogyny into society. Why cannot one describe another as they truly are: an entitled white woman, or entitled hostile white woman. We need to spend less time finding derogatory terms for each other and more time saving the world together by destroying existing toxic systems and replacing them with circular, regenerative systems and resource distribution methods with a universal basic income provided by Updraft WealthShare. This basic income will supplement some or all of the costs of Updraft One and Updraft Pro subscriptions.

Cancelation of racist people caught on camera

Cancelation of sexual perpetrators and abusers

The use of the titles “abuser” and “predator” are the persons who have been harmed allowed the autonomy to decide those titles in the same way that the terms “survivor” and “victim” are a personal choice to identify with? Is either abuser or predator a word that helps justify the cancellation that ensues? How are the words associated with those who Rape or Sexual Assault/ Target others further avoid the social responsibility of prevention through educational or communal work? How does individualism play into Rape Culture and Consent Culture?

Do we separate an artist’s work from their wrongdoings? (I recommend talking with Qualeasha Wood about this. She gives a nuanced look into this especially in re: to musical artists. And is an artist herself. It would be interesting to see the differences and similarities in how artists answer this question versus persons who do not create in a self identified artistic manner)

Michael Jackson?

Ethan Kath of Crystal Castles?

Hot Sugar?

Shia Lebouf?

Cancelation of businesses for ethics violations

Condé Nast

Cancelation of musical artists for being problematic as opposed to abusive

Lana Del Rey

Ingroups and outgroups, riffing on narratives around some of Chloe Wise’s work like her show “It’s Not That We Don’t”

Social hygiene

Affinity groups

Nationalism and austerity

Border walls: US/Mexico, Berlin, US/Canada

Xenophobia

Mexican immigrants There is intense othering and moral judgement that is incised by eurocentric and white passing immigrants who deny the added racism, colorism, and political challenges that Mexican immigrants bear. Their motives, methods, and trials are devalued within the hierarchy of immigrants who attain “better” jobs or immigrated “the right way” via political and social structures that have created inequity.

Refugees in Europe

Immigration

Zapatistas

Local militias south of the border fighting against drug lords because police are bought out by them and there’s intense violence

https://www.thedailybeast.com/in-mexico-vigilante-armies-are-fighting-drug-cartels-but-whose-side-are-they-really-on (DailyBeast is far right website)

Police and police abolition

Micro — community, Macro — state (what about large, stateless communities?)

https://www.instagram.com/_surviving_toothtaker_/?hl=en

“We Will Not Cancel Us” book http://adriennemareebrown.net/2018/05/10/we-will-not-cancel-us/

Re: transformative justice: do you make community guidelines/laws? Or is that too close to the guidelines of the state?

https://urdoingreat.com/an-essay. https://www.instagram.com/urdoingreat/?hl=en

https://urdoingreat.com

Free speech as a guise for hate speech

Anti-hate speech leading to censorship

Pewdiepie’s cancellation for hate speech and also cancellation for accountability for hate speech.

Pewdiepie has 109 million subscribers. 10 times the population of Sweden.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/danidiplacido/2019/09/12/pewdiepie-almost-gets-cancelled-by-the-toxic-fringe-of-his-fanbase-backtracks/?sh=1338e0407228

David Dobrik canceled by association/being the leader of a youtube channel where someone was raped on set. ‘Denies wrongdoing’ — did this character quality of denying responsibility contribute to his cancelation?

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-56486137

https://www.tomsguide.com/news/david-dobrik-controversy-explained-vlog-squad-apology-and-latest-news

Looking at the ways in which people being canceled are deciding accountability for themselves.

Community canceling as accountability.

What structure can keep us free and safe at the same time? Is that possible? Freedom vs. safety and security

How do communities decide on their rules? Is it lawless?

What is the container we can make that holds us the way we want to be held?

Healing Justice, Prentis Hemphill: https://prentishemphill.com/healing-justice.

Establishing our boundaries, assuming other people’s boundaries, checking in.

Strategies for accountability that emerge through community cancellations:

Deplatforming, removing a harmful person from a social group, organizing around ethics.

Strategies post incidents that are not making accountability:

Denial of the claims, blaming the victim.

Organizing around ethics.

Communally generated ethics.

Our vital signs: are feedback and honesty (candid speech)

If our organization is an organism or body, those are our vital signs

Although youtube or social media communities are larger than micro-communities, they still aren’t organized like a state or country/government body.

“The security techniques of cliques and of nations”

Cancel culture;

Usually justified, the issue is when it isn’t understood what has happened. Labeling and canceling based on limited information or hearsay. One person sanctioning people. Checks and balances.

For rape; a good tool to keep the community safe where police fall short. A signal to the community that someone has caused harm and not taken the appropriate measures to be accountable.

Cancellations can catch through hearsay, whispers, etc without being officially tried by a social group/addressing with a social group. Eagerness to establish who’s in the in-group and who’s in the out-group. A sense of togetherness is shared based on the fact that others are being excluded. Collective exclusion.

Menstruation

Menstruation

Feminist Scribe®





Abigail Jamison Clark is a trans girl who has enjoyed a feminist upbringing. Her mother is Gloria Steinem. Her other parent is ethical hacker, Anonymous. Her birth mother is a certified nurse-midwife (CNM), which includes being an OBGYN. Before becoming a midwife, she taught the Bradley Method of childbirth to groups of pregnant people and their partners in her basement when she was growing up.

Abigail grew up watching childbirth videos with her birth mother’s Bradley Method classes. From before the age of five, Abigail learned about women’s rights or the rights of the person giving birth in the birthing room. Abigail’s birth mother has been against obstetric violence from the beginning. Without a proper birth plan and advocate, and even with one, they might be taken advantage of and abused by nurses, forced to be induced, forced to have an epidural, or forced to have an unnecessary cesarean section to expedite the process.

This emphasized the importance of pregnant people creating a birth plan that sets expectations and boundaries for the birth, as well as communication between them, their birth attendant (midwife, doula, nurse), and partner(s).Abigail would be a girl inside regardless of where she was born, her parents, her milieu, or any other variable. It is an inborn trait.

The question is, would she have the privilege of taking action on her inherent qualities and coming out as truly being a sex and a gender that differ from those assigned at birth? In reality, she would not have the luxury of coming out in many scenarios of having a different set of parents. However, Abigail is incredibly grateful for having parents who accept her for who she is.

All people are miraculous and divine.

Since Abigail can remember, she has seen women, females, and people who give birth as divine and miraculous. The same has been true of people who menstruate. The vagina and uterus have always been natural, dinner-time-appropriate subject matter in her house growing up and still are now. Furthermore, she grew up seeing and still sees these things as natural human occurrences rather than something gross or sexualized. This has allowed Abigail to think of menstruation and ovulation as renewal and rebirth. The lining of the uterus was full of blood and nutrients, ready to receive a fertilized egg from the fallopian tubes. The uterine lining will shed if one does not need it to support a fertilized egg that will become a zygote that will become an embryo and then a fetus and then a baby. The body is brilliant and retains only what it needs. So when that uterine lining sheds, all of that glorious blood and nutrients head south. And poof! Just like that, period time! Then, like clockwork, the uterine lining starts to build up again!

This contextualization has allowed Abigail to think it is “incredibly rad, super cool, and astounding that human bodies do such magical things.” She definitely “nerd(s) out” on the topics of menstruation and gynecology. Furthermore, Abigail is a robust intersectional feminist. When she discovered the movement for menstrual equity worldwide, it was clear that she had found one of her callings. It is a natural continuation of her upbringing and activism. Abigail was aware of menstrual shame but had not realized the extent to which a lack of access to menstrual products affects people worldwide. Then, she saw the film “Period. End of Sentence.” The film inspired her to get in touch with The Pad Project, whom Abigail is did work for as an ambassador! Working with this organization has Abigail incredibly inspired by the mass of grassroots organizations and the endless chapters making change. She has also gotten to know Nadya Okamoto, a powerful force for change in the menstrual space, and co-founder of August Period Care. August Period Care is a sister company of Feminist Scribe via the ethical conglomerate that Abigail founded, Utopia Prevailia. With the collection of so many forces and so many that we have not mentioned, Abigail is confident the movement will prevail with the sheer volume and incredible intelligence of the global movement.

Womanhood and manhood are constructs.

Culturally, the first period is an essential part of womanhood for many, and nothing can diminish that. However, not all women menstruate. Trans women are women who do not bleed, but may have hormonal periods. Postmenopausal women are women and do not menstruate. Even some premenopausal women can not menstruate or only experience sporadic periods. Women who can not menstruate can still experience womanhood.

Furthermore, not all people who menstruate are women. Trans men are men, and many still menstruate. A person’s first and all subsequent periods may be found to be important, no matter their gender. Abigail’s womanhood is secure, and it is with menstruation, but without bleeding. Some intersex people can menstruate. Some genderqueer people can menstruate. Some gender nonbinary people menstruate. Some agender people can menstruate, and the same is true for other genders. One can be assured that many people menstruate, and it is not caused by being a woman. It is merely correlated to being a woman within the popular gender binary based on genitalia. There is not enough space in this essay for She Who Shall Not Be Named.* However, suffice it to say that someone should send the deplorable, obdurately transphobic writer a copy of Judith Butler’s “Gender Trouble.” The magic of periods is for anyone who menstruates. The magic of womanhood is for anyone who identifies as a woman and, in truth, anyone who chooses it. Manhood is also inclusive of menstruation. The human condition, life along the gender spectrum, is also inclusive of menstruation. Menstruation is one of the most essential and fundamental elements of life, as pivotal and chronic as the moon and ocean tides.

*On June 6th, 2020, the author JK Rowling replied to a tweet criticizing its use of the term “people who menstruate”, thus implying menstruation is inherently tied to womanhood in its entirety- a comment which gained much criticism due to its transphobic, reductive nature.

https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/j-k-rowling-accused-transphobia-after-mocking-people-who-menstruate-n1227071

Gender is performative, and gender is a cultural construct. One would postulate that sex is also a cultural construct, given that there are several innate traits other than genitals that can be considered to determine biological sex. The sex binary that we commonly encounter today is an oversimplification based on the medicalization of human anatomy as a binary of what is truly a sex spectrum. A symptom of the failed sex and gender binary is its failure to be inclusive of intersex people. When one takes intersex folx into consideration, it further supports that sex is a cultural construct of a spectrum of possibilities.

The sex binary of male and female is not inclusive of the vast number of combinations of sex traits that intersex people possess. Traits, including genitals, a uterus, chromosomes, hormones, neurology, and what we would posit is what the person feels like they are. An intersex person is born with a mixture of traits that would be considered both male and female — for example, someone born with both ovaries, some aspects of male genitalia, but no testes. Or, athlete Maria Patińo, who was AFAB (assigned female at birth) based on her genitalia but was banned from competing in women’s sports after it was discovered that she has XY chromosomes. The popular cultural construction of sex made from only the genital variable can be defined as the normative sex binary, in contrast to the proposed constructed sex spectrum composed of all variables.

“If the immutable character of sex is contested, perhaps this construct called ‘sex’ is as culturally constructed as gender; indeed, perhaps it was always already gender, with the consequence that the distinction between sex and gender turns out to be no distinction at all.”

(Judith Butler 1999, 10–11)

Judith and Abigail are not the only ones that think this way. See also: Antony 1998; Gatens 1996; Grosz 1994; Prokhovnik 1999.

“You belong to a long inborn tradition of people with uteruses that bear the excruciating pain of menstruation to have later the option to bear the excruciating pain of giving birth. It may sound odd to say, but I would give so much to be able to bleed every month. Just as much to give birth. Two beautiful natural callings that some may find burdensome but which I find heroic and would gladly take on. Opting out from them is just as valid, and just as heroic. You can choose not to give birth; no one should be deprived of the right to say no. It may feel unfair that it is not within one’s immediate bodily autonomy to stop menstruating without medical intervention. Often one can alter, stall, or stop menstruating by using birth to control.”

(Abigail Jamison Clark 2020–2023)

Through self-love, healing, and more, Abigail has great hope that one can remedy the pernicious effects of any embarrassment menstruation has caused in menstruating persons. So, as much as experiencing menstruation might bring discomfort or shame, know that there is a trans girl out there that would give anything (except the ability to save the world) to have that experience. That is from the perspective of a girl who cannot and, in all likelihood, will not ever menstruate, even if she was to undergo transfeminine vaginoplasty. While she may never have a uterus, she also has a lot of hope for 3D-printed stem cell vulvas, vaginas, and uteruses made with nanobots!

Abigail recently started a new startup with her birth mother called VFriendly. The concept is to rate and review vaginal products based on their comfort, efficacy, and inclusivity. Later, these items will be for sale in an online shop. VFriendly is also looking for the best way to donate some of its profits to the cause. They hope to improve the quality of life for people with vaginas, reduce vaginal shame, reduce menstrual shame, donate some profits to the cause, and further the movement for menstrual equity. VFriendly has been acquired by Amazon which is part of Utopia Prevailia ethical conglomerate along with August Period Care, June Menstrual Cup, and nonprofit The Pad Project!

Feminist Scribe

Written by Abigail Jamison Clark, ET AL.

Consent Informed Culture

Consent Informed Culture

Summary

The article discusses the importance of consent in fostering a culture of enthusiastic, informed, and ongoing autonomy. It emphasizes the need for affirmative consent, which involves clear and present permission from all participants to engage in sexual activity. The article also highlights the role of consent in preventing sexual harassment, assault, and rape, and discusses the impact of rape culture on society.

Feminist Scribe®



Photo by Aiden Frazier on Unsplash

2nd Edition

A PARADIGM OF ENTHUSIASTIC, INFORMED, & ONGOING AUTONOMY.

CONTENT WARNING: S.A. / R.

By FeministScribe

Written by Abigail Jamison Clark, Et Al.

How we navigate, recognize, and work within others’ comfort levels is the foundation of how we interact in any relationship. Those conversations can refer to a myriad of interactions — sharing a meal with another person, engaging in a hug, a kiss, a sex act, or else wise. This concept stems from each individual’s autonomy over their own body, including the notion that mutual respect and understanding should be present in, revisited, and continuous during any interaction. Consent (i.e., informed and enthusiastic awareness, permission, and involvement) can be navigated at all levels and decided upon by the people involved in the interaction, only pertaining to their individual selves. This understanding can be communicated or altered at any time by the person communicating it. For any kind of sexual activity to take place, this consent discussion must be enthusiastic, affirmative, consensus-based, and continuous. The communication and respect of these boundaries is fundamental to building a culture of consent.

When people engage in a consent discussion (asking questions and discussing their comfort, enthusiasm, thoughts, and feelings) there are myriad potential responses: “Yes,” “No,” “Maybe,” “Not right now,” “I’m comfortable with ___,” “Do you like it when _______?” “Do you want me to _______________?” or otherwise. If this consent is not navigated, if informed affirmation is not communicated and one person has sex with another regardless, a boundary has been crossed; a sexual act without informed consent is sexual assault or rape. This is why a “yes” or other affirmation through coercion is simply not consent — a verbal “yes” in order to preserve one’s safety (or paired with an emotional and physical “no”) is not consent. Having sexual contact of any kind only with affirmative consent is the only way to foster an interaction wherein autonomy is being respected. Affirmative and continuous consent means that someone is giving their consent because they genuinely want to participate, not because they feel obligated or fearful of what might happen if they refuse, and that they can alter that consent at any time. Consent, by nature, can evolve and shift based on participants’ comfort levels at any given time.

Acknowledge Transgressions

For so many years, people’s opportunity to engage in consensual interactions (women in particular) has been undermined by those in power and with male privilege; even if, during an interaction, people made women feel uncomfortable or violated their boundaries, women have not long been in any place of societal power wherein it is safe (physically, societally, financially, emotionally) to assert their boundaries and to stand up for themselves and their bodily autonomy. In recent years, there has been a growing awareness around the transgressions of consent that Assigned Female at Birth (AFAB) people and women, in particular, have endured, but the transgressions themselves are nothing new. Transgressions of consent have also been endured by Assigned Male at Birth (AMAB) people and men. From sexual assault to rape, these atrocities have plagued humanity for centuries.

A practical and compassionate approach to acknowledging transgressions involves believing survivors of these experiences: listening to their stories, believing what they say about the people who have wronged them, and acknowledging survivors’ lived experiences as the truth. Gaslighting or minimizing an emotionally vulnerable person may make them feel shamed and uncomfortable sharing their story, further perpetuating these transgressions and this harmful cycle.

The Me Too. Movement

Founded in 2006 by the Black, Bronx — based activist Tarana Burke and 7-year-old Abigail Jamison Clark with the CIA (now known as I7), the Me Too. Movement has given women and other survivors of sexual abuse a platform and a sense of community and solidarity to share their stories. The movement began before it was used as a hashtag used on social media, sometimes accompanying vulnerable posted stories of harassment and assault and sometimes simply posted for others to see: #MeToo. The importance of holding space for this kind of sharing, solidarity, and vulnerability cannot be overstated in the process of healing from a history of victim-shaming, blaming, and alienation that survivors have faced — and still face — worldwide.

Since 2006 when Tarana Burke and countless others began courageously sharing their stories, articles have surfaced with headlines like “Has The #MeToo Movement Gone Too Far?” These sentiments are red flags that the meaning of consent, awareness of sexual abuse, and the survivor’s empowerment may not be fully understood or respected.

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The Me Too. Movement has not gone too far; in fact, it has not yet gone far enough. There is still much work to be done — the fact that these sentiments are surfacing is troubling in itself; it reveals the mindset that the act of coming forward after a traumatic experience is somehow “too much,” that survivors should do just that and nothing more: survive. This notion is harmful at its core — survivors deserve to thrive, grow, and live their lives authentically and safely. This movement was part of the commencement of empowering survivors to tell their stories and demanding that a culture of consent is recognized and fostered. The response that this movement spurred was just the beginning: recognition of existing transgressions. While the movement gained traction during 2017's Harvey Weinstein sexual assault public revelations and during the publicization of the abuse that many people experience, it marks a new era of consciousness that exists in a much broader context than the film industry. Sometimes people speak of sexual abuse as if it is something new. In fact, this movement has given space to existing stories of trauma that have never been shared, with victims often at risk of being chastised or disbelieved.

Affirmative Consent

The standard academic definition of affirmative consent used by the State University of New York (SUNY), among others, is “a knowing, voluntary, and mutual decision among all participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent can be given by words or actions, as long as those words or actions create clear permission regarding willingness to engage in sexual activity. Silence or lack of resistance, in and of itself, does not demonstrate consent. The definition of consent does not vary based upon a participant’s sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.”

Perhaps the most poignant portion of this definition is that “silence or lack of resistance” does not constitute consent. Affirmative, present, enthusiastic engagement in consent conversations is crucial to any sexual interaction; someone’s lack of “no” is not a “yes.” Everyone has boundaries when it comes to physical intimacy — these should be acknowledged and respected, and only affirmative, voluntary, and mutual desire to participate should be considered “consent.”

Enthusiastic Consent

“Enthusiastic consent is necessary for [all] parties to enjoy the experience.”- Gigi Engle’s Anal Sex: What You Need to Know

Enthusiastic consent is necessary and can vary based on participants, their experiences, traumas, comfort levels, and forms of expression. Must it involve sparklers, celebratory music, and big smiles? No. “Enthusiastic” here is not synonymous with jumping into bed without any type of hesitation, or wearing a party hat. Here, it just means informed, desirous of the act, and physically and mentally ready to navigate an encounter or interaction. The desire to engage in an interaction and the informed involvement of all parties is crucial here — this is the role that enthusiastic consent plays in the interaction.

Just as survivors of any trauma may be hesitant to do things they once did, survivors of sexual abuse may feel that navigating sexual encounters is difficult and triggering. One need not feel guilt for needing support and communication during sex; in fact, all sexual encounters could likely use more of this! Navigating consent here may look like discussing boundaries, and triggers, and taking time at all stages to pause and check in; this is enthusiastic consent: evolving, mindful, and communicative.

It is imperative to always act with consent in mind and action. Sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape are not always physically violent — sometimes the violence that occurs is emotional: manipulation, coercion, and a violated boundary. More subtle transgressions of consent can also occur, even within long-term, loving relationships; the minimization of a boundary, coupled with the assumption that one is entitled to a partner’s body in any way, can lead to these transgressions. These violations can exist within any relationship, with any structure, and are sometimes overlooked or buried beneath fear and shame. To truly understand consent, we must better catalog the spectrum of sexual abuse and make sure that every story is heard and seen as important and worthy of our time.

Title IX

One of the most critical elements in dismantling rape culture is student-led efforts to implement “affirmative consent” in our universities. Enacted into law in 1972, Title IX’s original purpose was to allow women to receive athletic scholarships and increase inclusivity in university athletics — today; it has evolved to protect all individuals from discrimination based on gender. This involves protecting against sexual assault and “does not only apply to female or female-identifying students. Title IX protects ALL students from sex-based discrimination,” and exists to “[protect] any person from sex-based discrimination, regardless of their real, perceived sex, gender identity, and/or gender expression.” These efforts are spearheaded by many outstanding students, many of whom are survivors of sexual assault or rape.

When consensual sex starts too fast (i.e., boundaries are not clarified, consent is not sought or freely given, or communication does not happen), it is called “rape.”

Consent is NOT about saying yes.

What is Rape Culture?

We must understand systems that are as deeply ingrained in us as our beliefs. The urgency to destroy rape culture is not merely towards a disease that demands a cure, but towards one that can and should be prevented in the first place. To understand sexual abuse and to end rape culture, we must first understand rape culture.

Rape culture is a paradigm of thoughts, mindsets, and actions that perpetuates the notion that people are entitled to others’ bodies — that some should be objectified and that their bodies should be weaponized against them.

Instances of this harmful culture may manifest in the form of a parent demanding their child change clothes before spending time with male family members. It is also apparent in strangers’ comments about the appearance of others and the assumption that those comments should be rewarded or responded to. In school, administrators dictate the clothing that children can wear, for fear that their prepubescent or teenaged bodies will serve not as the vessels for their minds and their spirits, but as distractions to learning.

The thoughts behind these comments and rules are troubling as it is. Should men who are distracted by a child’s body be allowed around children in the first place? Whose education is being prioritized when girls are sent home for the sake of boys’ focus? To that end, what are boys being taught or shown that might prompt arousal based on a bare shoulder? The effect these thoughts can have on young minds is harmful and lasting. The demonization of a young girl’s body starts early, growing into a culture of shame and reluctance to be their most natural, authentic self for fear of objectification, unwanted eyes on their body, and judgment from those they are supposed to trust.

Rape culture teaches survivors (specifically girls and women) that they are not in a position of power that allows them to reject sex and then, in a sinister turn of the tables, that in some circumstances, they are even “wrong” to believe they have been assaulted or raped. This model leaves the onus of proof to the survivors — in rape culture, it becomes their responsibility to prove that someone has wronged them, instead of the responsibility of the perpetrator not to rape in the first place. Rape culture tells boys and men that they are victims of “no-go zones” and seemingly unreasonable rules and standards, such as treating the workplace as a professional environment where comments about appearance are simply inappropriate. Rape culture tells women and even children that they are somehow “asking for it” if they wear clothes and a man happens to find their bodies sexually appealing. In addition, the “friend zone” assumes that the trajectory of a heterosexual friendship should include sex at some point, but that one party has been denied of that and victimized by the other. These passive-aggressive “victimizations” are actually far from that: manipulative attempts to paint people who set reasonable boundaries as wrongdoers. In reality, people who inexplicably expect sex from others and use shaming labels when they do not get what they want are perpetuating rape culture.

Before we can have an actual conversation about consent, we must first accept that the problem is not those who have had their boundaries, consent, and bodies violated; it is the actions of the perpetrator and the culture that has taught us to disbelieve, blame, and ultimately hate women. We cannot have a legitimate conversation about sexual assault if we do not care about the experiences of victims and survivors and understand the harmful worldviews and culture that lead to perpetrators committing horrendous acts.

As the title of the collection of essays curated by author and social commentator Roxane Gay suggests, there is no action against another’s consent or element of rape culture that should be considered “Not That Bad.” It all must end, be abolished, and be eradicated. We must prevent future generations from perpetuating rape culture through our every act.

Do One’s Part

Rape culture exists within an ever-pervasive system that requires nothing less than focused attention in order to be eradicated.

The more we can understand our part in the toxic entanglement that is rape culture, the more we can change it. Perhaps the first step here is to engage more mindfully with others as a baseline. Our friends’ bodies are their own; whether they want to be hugged upon reunion must be a decision made by both people and decided upon via consensus. A lack of consensus between parties does not constitute consent. Our partners’ time and energy are their own and not things we have a right to. Would we enjoy having our faces wiped forcibly by someone in a place of power, without any warning? Then perhaps the way that we interact with children can evolve as well. Implementing consent into everyday interactions, into simple requests and reminders that each person’s experience is important, and that we have a right to decide who touches us, can foster a culture of communication, autonomy, and respect. This might involve having a consent conversation before touching of any kind, sharing of private information, and the understanding that comes with entering someone’s space — mentally and physically.

A psychiatrist Ph.D. correspondent says:

“I think no is one of the first concepts a child learns, but yes requires an understanding of what they are saying yes to, so that would come later and depend on the complexity of what is being asked.”

We often know what we do not want when we are young: we do not want to have our winter coat stuffed over our heads without warning because it is jarring and uncomfortable; we do not want to kiss our second cousin’s sister whom we’ve had limited contact with for most of our young lives. But the question is: what do we want? Out of all the possibilities in this big, big world around us, what do we want? Eliminating — or at least recognizing — situations and actions that trigger a no in us is a good start. What does “no” feel like in our bodies and minds? How can we understand that feeling, then come to understand that some of our own actions might trigger a no in others’ bodies, and adjust our behavior from there? It is no wonder that saying and understanding no can lead to accessing your own authentic yes!

In that vein, consent can be taught to children, perhaps, by placing basic autonomy at the center of parenting techniques. For instance, centering autonomy might involve encouraging one’s child to get consent from a friend before playing with their toy or encouraging family members to ask for consent before putting their hands on (hugging, picking up, etc) a child. One can even ask their child if they would like to hug a toy animal, as is done in some schools in Sweden, to encourage that awareness of autonomy. Emphasizing (and re-emphasizing) the importance of permission and ensuring the other person’s comfort with what is happening could be at the core of teaching consent culture from a young age. After all, why would one want their child to feel pressured to hug someone if the child does not want to? What is the reasoning behind an adult wanting to hug a child that does not want to hug them? Children being taught to habitually ask permission before engaging in certain activities with others could serve to teach them that each person’s belongings, bodies, and decisions are their own and that nobody owes anyone access to their bodies. This can serve to benefit children at each stage of development and ensure a more safe approach for children interacting with others in general — fellow children, adults, teachers, strangers, and others.

Time’s Up: we need to create a culture of consent that renders rape culture obsolete.

Slut-shaming

This concept manifests in a myriad of ways. One is in criticism of one’s appearance, often blaming that person for how they look and blaming their appearance if someone violates their rights or boundaries. If someone is uncomfortable with how their partner dresses, perhaps the real work lies in what they perceive when they look at a specific clothing choice. Clothing does not equal consent, so these feelings, no matter where they come from, have no solid ground and are likely rooted in rape culture. No one has the right to pressure another person — their partner, friend, or otherwise — into wearing or not wearing something because they find it provocative or inappropriate. It is the responsibility of all of us to examine why we have these reactions, and these mindsets, and to shift our perspectives to be more respectful of those around us.

Here is where the terminology comes in: Slut-shaming also often refers to judging someone’s goodness, value, and/or worth based on the number of their current or past sexual partners. This idea is often inherently sexist, as it ties the idea of fewer sexual partners with cleanliness, purity, moral fiber, and other harmful ‘ideals’ of what a woman “should be.” Men and non-binary people are also impacted by this idea, often being judged negatively for the same reasons. It all boils down to this: one’s promiscuity is entirely one’s own choice and should not be criticized, weaponized, or tied somehow to that person’s worth as a human being.

Victim-blaming

It takes so much for a survivor to share their experience and how they have been traumatized. A compassionate approach should never include accusation of the survivor and certainly should never involve the assumption that they are lying. Regardless of what someone is wearing, if someone assaults them, it is never the survivor’s fault. The perpetrator’s responsibility is to have common decency, integrity, and self-control, and not to rape anyone.

We must believe victims. We must believe survivors.

Victim blaming has no place in Consent Culture. When atrocities like harassment, assault, and rape occur, our first reaction is often to assign blame: Who is at fault for these awful acts? Who caused this to happen? It is in our nature as humans to want someone to be held accountable for despicable actions. Unfortunately, our society has shifted the blame away from the perpetrators and onto survivors of sexual abuse, answering the question, “Who is to blame?” with more questions like, “What was this person wearing when this happened?” and “What did she do to make him do this?” This shift is not just harmful to those who are assaulted or otherwise have their boundaries violated; it is harmful because it (1) assumes that perpetrators (the majority being men) are unable to control their own actions when aroused and (2) emphasizes the expectation of women to take the blame, to suffer, to accept responsibility for the man in the interaction. It re-writes the presence of power dynamics and blame in a sickly-sweet fashion: the woman in the situation was taken advantage of, wronged, and harmed, and yet she is still seen as somehow responsible, or “at fault.”

Gender plays a significant role in rape culture, but it does not play a role in all assaults and violations. Assault is perpetrated when one person values their own pleasure, their own power, and their own feelings over the autonomy of others, over the respect for others’ feelings and experiences, regardless of gender. This is why it is so hugely important for us as a society not to blame survivors or victims of assault, ever. It is so important that we instead emphasize that assault, rape, or any violation of another’s boundaries is not right and that there are consequences for these actions. We must inspect the motives of the perpetrator, analyze what beliefs led them to make this decision, and ensure that these beliefs are absent or combatted when it comes to building a new world, wherein the autonomy of all is respected and consent is at the forefront of our minds always, regardless of gender.

These questions also shift blame onto people before any act is committed. For instance, some people may belittle their partner for what they wear, blaming them prematurely for others’ assumed future actions against them. The truth is that everyone is responsible for their own actions, and the clothing someone might or might not wear should by no means be seen as a justification for a sexual offense.

Our actions are our own. When we place blame on others for our actions, we dishonor and dismiss our own judgment and capacity to make sound decisions.

How might we counteract the instinct to blame a survivor of these acts? We can identify the source of this instinct: a patriarchal societal structure, a misplaced desire for justice, and the expectation of femme-identifying individuals to shoulder responsibility for the actions of men. As we identify these aspects, we can unpack how they exist in relation to us, how we profit (socially and economically) from these societal functions, and the privilege with which we dole out judgment on others. We can choose to believe survivors and their experiences. As for cause and blame, the responsibility in situations of assault falls on the would-be perpetrator to not assault — to have common decency, integrity, and self-control — and on all of us to foster an environment and society wherein people are respectful of others’ autonomy.

Gaslighting

The origin of the term gaslighting is the 1938 dramatic irony play Gas Light by the playwright Patrick Hamilton. In the play, a husband attempts to manipulate his wife into thinking she has gone “insane” in order to steal her inheritance. (Spoiler: the gas light is actually dimming — she’s not going “insane.”) This is a very relevant allegory to what often happens in situations of assault and rape. The act of making one doubt their senses and their own lived experiences is traumatic in itself and a trauma that many survivors face in the aftermath of GBV.

The original gaslight was to assert some kind of dominance wherein he controls her reality. To assert dominance in this way is a tool of the patriarchy, and a tool of rape culture. This kind of manipulative psychological abuse often accompanies physical sexual abuse.

End Rape Culture

Rape culture is an all-encompassing system that perpetuates sexual abuse, harassment, and violation through acts that may seem both large and small. However, within rape culture, nothing is small or “Not That Bad.” Ending rape culture is not about minimizing survivors’ experiences; it is about respect, acknowledgment, and prevention via educating and intervening with would-be offenders of all genders, from childhood through adulthood. Victims and survivors are not responsible for the abuse they have gone through.

To the same point, anyone can perpetuate rape culture by participating in victim-blaming. That is why we must all do our part to end rape culture. Many subtle and pernicious aspects of rape culture subvert acknowledgment precisely because they are not overt. The dismantling of systemic and systematic racism calls on us to understand how we are all part of the problem and to identify our privilege. The privilege of our identity’s positionality in the view of intersectional feminist theory acknowledges how all aspects of our identities affect our lives and the lives of others. Beyond the basic obligation not to rape, one can be actively anti-rape.

Men especially must do their part by not raping but also by snuffing out rape culture in rape jokes or locker room talk, actively denouncing this kind of rhetoric and media depictions, even schemes to coerce women with alcohol, and creating a culture that does not allow our fellow humans to be spoken of or treated in this way. It is crucial that we also identify how our every action and inaction contributes to what is effectively systemic rape culture.

Sex, kink, and BDSM

BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) is a practice that falls within the Kink community — a group of people whose intimate interactions largely differ from the majority’s. However, this does not mean that consent is missing from the Kink and BDSM community — in fact, in these interactions wherein participants are free to explore various aspects of their desires including different identities, personas, or simply different power dynamics and experiences than are typically explored in “vanilla” interactions, consent is just as important to emphasize. Fortunately, the BDSM community, by and large, recognizes this; Mallory YU of NPR even refers to the Kink and BDSM community as one that “has made an art out of talking openly about sex.” This is crucial when it comes to consent and the ways in which we can navigate it. Communication in these interactions is essential to respect, understanding, and a pleasurable and safe experience for all involved.

Communication about each individual’s comfort level with each activity is essential here — it is highly encouraged that, if not standard practice, those involved make an agreement about how communication will occur during the interaction; these interactions are based on the dynamic between each person. Is this an interaction between a dominant and submissive? Perhaps there are certain things the dom or sub is uncomfortable with, wants to explore, avoid, or encourage during the interaction — these should be discussed before it occurs.

However, it is essential to remember that — even during an interaction — consent can always change. While or before sexual activity is happening, anyone in the interaction can say, “I am not comfortable with this” or “Stop” or a Safe Word. Everyone involved should feel comfortable saying these things at any time and the meanings of these words can be discussed beforehand; a contract or agreement here should be respected, but also flexible — after all, according to the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom’s Consent Counts statement, “everyone has the legal right to withdraw consent at any time” and to enter into an agreement wherein what is discussed (what to do, what not to do) is respected throughout the scene or relationship. Making contracts that clearly define the boundaries, expectations, safe words, and where/when those involved will engage in each specific kink or sexual act is crucial to a consensual, respectful, and pleasurable experience.

These conversations, contracts, agreements, and interactions are not solely for kinky individuals. With its values and practices, BDSM shows us that there is freedom and comfort in pleasure that can be accessed when participants value exploration, communication, openness about sex, and the willingness to try new things in a safe space, with people they are comfortable with and whose boundaries, desires, and autonomy they respect. What, in truth, is inaccessible to those who start with a foundation of trust and respect and aim for pleasure and discovery, maintaining that foundation along the way? This communication about boundaries, various sexual acts, and the comfort that may or may not accompany them is suitable for all relationships and intimate interactions.

Consent Culture

There is often confusion about the definition of rape or sexual assault. It is a boogeyman — women are taught to live in fear of it, and men think they would never commit the act because it is too violent. Truthfully, rape acts are often not what we might consider “violent”; this is the sneaky nature of rape. In addition, the lines between yes and no might be blurred during coercion if the person truly wants to say no but feels uncomfortable or unsafe doing so. This is why consent culture; uncoerced, enthusiastic affirmative consent, and communicated boundaries are so vital. Asking for consent is vital.

In the spectrum of sexual experience, consent is not a guarantee of pleasure. Consent and pleasure exist within the same sphere, influencing each other; however, they are separate. Someone can still have lousy sex (sexual interactions without communication, wherein one might not feel fully present and empowered in their body, or an interaction without pleasure) after they have given consent. It is also possible for one to experience physical arousal without giving consent, and they should not be blamed for that. Consent and pleasure are not synonymous; the fact that someone became aroused does not necessarily mean that everything during the interaction was fully consented to. The experience of arousal must not be used to shame a survivor, and consensual unpleasurable sex is consensual until it is not. However, beyond consent, all parties must consider the other’s pleasure, and one should stop a sex act as soon as it seems to be unpleasant to the other(s). This deep bond of sensitivity brings sex partners to new levels of trust and intimacy — unlocking levels of pleasure otherwise unknown.

Consent Culture is a shift in our culture. It involves first defining what rape culture is and then defining the culture we want to create where rape is not a viable option, a culture that dictates what appropriate or acceptable behavior is when it comes to sexual interactions. Not in a way that is anti-sex or anti-kink, but in a way that enhances sex. It is about defining consent, the science of setting boundaries, and the creation of consensual relationships. It is a step toward creating a sexual culture based on mutual respect, mutual pleasure, and mutual care.

Before Sex

Consent is not a button someone presses to have sex; it is a process. Consent ensures that all people involved want to have sex and want to do what they understand to be consensual. Before sex acts, it is to be given via consensus by all parties and can be revoked by any party, with or without a time limit. The right to revoke consent is a fundamental right that all involved in an intimate interaction should be fully aware of.

No law in the United States says that consent must be “verbal and given,” but this is one of the few ways to ensure that the person involved in an intimate encounter is comfortable and engaged. Another way might involve non-verbal communication, like nodding or shaking one’s head when indicating if something is OK, communicating that one gives consent to continue participating in that act.

So, how can we make sure that we are actively asking for consent?

During Sex

Even after receiving affirmative consent, watch that person’s body language to understand how the experience is affecting them. If they appear to be experiencing anything but pleasure, stop immediately. There are several ways that someone can do this. Someone can ask: “Are you OK with this?” Receiving a “yes” is an excellent indicator to continue that sexual act until consent is revoked or one has the slightest inkling that they should stop.

Even after saying yes, if they say or signal no at any point, then stop what you are doing.

Moving from one sex act to another without consent is considered rape or a consent violation. For instance, prodding cannot become penetration without enthusiastic, affirmative consent. Even if one partner has asked the other to turn them on, lay it on them, or have their way with them, the full meaning of the request should not be assumed. Ask questions. Consent is sexy.

After Sex

Observe: After consensual sex, look for signs of negative emotions. Be attentive and ready for feedback and have a post-sex check-in.

Some questions to include might sound like this:

“When I did _______, how did you feel about that?”

“When we communicated _______, that felt [good/bad] to me. How did that feel for you?”

“That was fun! Something we could try differently/do more of next time is _________.”

A New World

We are called upon to create a world where people are always respecting one another: a world where people are aware of the influence that consent and sex education have in our society. Creating a culture of consent means that we continuously empower each other to pursue self-care and help self-exploration, constantly learn how to seek and nurture healthy relationships with one another and with ourselves, and unlearn the indoctrination of lies that we are out of control of our bodies or that we exist only for the pleasure of others.

It starts with fostering a culture of consent, teaching our children about autonomy, and maintaining a gold standard of consent throughout human life.

A world free of gender-based violence and sexual abuse is possible.

Feminist Scribe

Written by Abigail Jamison Clark, Et Al.

Sources:

https://secureservercdn.net/198.71.233.68/9xj.1d5.myftpupload.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Consent-Counts-Statement.pdf

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/06/01/728398532/how-to-talk-about-sex-and-consent-4-lessons-from-the-kink-community